Subconscious Decisions
by andree campbell
Summary: House and Cuddy want so much to be together but  fear scaring each other that they keep things light without saying what they most want to say to each other directly and so they keep their guard up. House finds a way to read Cuddy's mind or so he thinks.
1. Chapter 1

House laid perfectly still examining the long dark eyelashes on the edges of the largest grey-blue eyes he'd fallen in love with. This time, those gorgeous voluminous eyes were closed and the long-as-hell dark lashes laid softly on above the cheeks of one sleeping Lisa Cuddy just inches away on her own pillow.

House started to count them but gave up, those lashes were long and dark and thick. Fuck it. There were a couple hundred dark eyelashes pointing at the sexiest full pink lips. House watched Cuddy sleeping, not a twitch on her countenance. Her face was relaxed, unguarded and rested. He loved watching her when she was unaware of his attentions. He could read so much more about her.

Right now, Lisa Cuddy was open, vulnerable and his. She was naked under the soft cotton pink sheets. Her face neatly tucked against her left palm. House reached up and barely traced against her lower lip tickling her just so, Cuddy's lips pursed a little at the slightest touch. House grinned. He ran the tip of his finger gently along the bridge of slender nose. she wriggled her nose as her right hand went to swat away whatever was tickling her.

House grinned and found himself laughing a little silently, his finger traced her eyebrow over her right eye before sliding into her hair above her ear. It did the trick. Cuddy relaxed against his hand and exhaled deeply. House couldn't help from stroking her long silky brown hair. He watched her lips barely stretch into a slight smile, her breathing deepened. Cuddy was asleep and relaxed, something few men ever got to see.

"I love you," House whispered more to himself yet loud enough for it to register in her subconscious. Cuddy's smile disappeared from her sleeping face. House watched her closely but she remained a sleep.

"I know you can hear me, I love you." House repeated. Cuddy seemed to hold her breath before exhaling haltingly. House noticed the change. Cuddy remained a sleep.

"It might not be a bad thing to get married...one day," House whispered to Cuddy. He waited. She seemed to hold her breathe. House felt uncertain. Was Cuddy opposed to the idea of marriage? Was she opposed to marriage with him? Or what? He needn't worry because Cuddy's mouth stretched into a smile and she exhaled deeply. Her eyes never opened as she lay next to him sound asleep as his hand continued stroking through her hair.

House grinned. "Do you want to get married?" House couldn't believe he was even asking the question but he couldn't pass up the opportunity to have Cuddy reveal her most personal thoughts without realizing it. It was so like him to use any opportunity to find out what she thought without getting caught.

"...I mean to me?" House specified as he ran his fingers through her hair. Cuddy's face remained blank. Her smile had disappeared. Her long eyelashes never moved. Her eyes stayed closed.

House held his breath. Was this Cuddy's way of saying no? House felt scared and his hand paused as her hair slipped between her fingers.

"Lisa?" House whispered barely audibly. Cuddy rolled away from him and flipped to her other side. House was floored. He saw her bare back exposed to him and not a sign to give him a clue if she'd ever any interest in taking things further with him. House was stunned.

Without realizing it, House migrated towards her bare back and spooned against her. His knees nestled behind her knees, his groin to her smooth, cool bottom. His arm snaked around her waist and his hand burrowed under her belly pulling her closer to him. House pressed his chest against her back and his mouth came into contact with her left ear.

"LIsa?" House repeated. "I love you."

Cuddy just exhaled deeply. House frowned. Had he missed his chance to find out what she thought? She wasn't responding anymore. Not where he could see.

Cuddy was neatly tucked against her naked boyfriend under flannel sheets in a soft bed on a Saturday night. She opened her eyes slowly and grinned as she took note of the time on her bedside clock.

House had stuck his toe in the marital waters at precisely 12:16. Cuddy closed her eyes silently and grinned to herself. She'd let him know her answer in the morning. On his pancakes. In strawberry syrup.`


	2. Chapter 2

Lisa Cuddy tried to roll back in her bed but couldn't with House nestled up against her backside. She realized his arm was securely wrapped around her waist and moving was surely going to wake him up. Cuddy enjoyed the moment, the sensation of being completely peaceful and relaxed. She could feel House's warm breath against her neck as he exhaled in his sleep.

She lay awake next to him for an hour mulling over what had happened in her "sleep" last night. House had broached the subject of marriage when he believed she was asleep. She couldn't help but feel joy that the thought had crossed his mind about them. Still, she couldn't help but want to toy with him a little for being such a chicken shit and testing the waters when he thought she was unconscious.

How? How should she strike a just a modicum of terror into his big fat brain? She lay there tossing scenarios in her mind. She finally settled on an idea and grinned slyly to herself. This was going to be fun.

House stared at the pancakes on the plate before him. Sunday mornings at Cuddy's house was quickly becoming his favorite day of the week. Even with Rachel zooming around at top speed in her footie pajamas, he could sit back and watch the woman he loved making pancakes in her kitchen standing there barefoot in a thin robe with slightly mussed hair puttering back and forth while he stayed out of her way.

House sipped the coffee he made earlier and watched Cuddy serving Rachel's pancakes while the child tried to climb into her seat. Cuddy was almost a different person with Rachel. Relaxed, happy and in her element. Cuddy cut up the pancakes and poured a little strawberry syrup over them before handing Rachel her own little chubby fork. Rachel immediately began eating without a care in the world. Cuddy stood watching her and smiling.

"Aren't you going to eat, too?" House asked Cuddy.

"Oh, in a minute," Cuddy replied, never taking her eyes off her daughter. "Kids are so easy sometimes." She muttered more to herself than to House.

"You say that now. Wait til she's sixteen and boy-crazy!" House still hadn't eaten a bite. He waited for Cuddy to join him at the table.

"C'mon, they're getting cold. Sit, woman!" House mock ordered. Cuddy complied and sat down still holding the spatula. "Here, have some of mine. You gave me like ten!"

House slipped his fork under some of the pancakes and placed them on her plate.

"Oh, sorry about that," Cuddy smiled. He smiled back.

"Hang on," House said as he got up and took both plates with him.

"Hey!" Cuddy said.

"Just warming them up," House added as he headed to the microwave oven. Cuddy began to get up. "Stay put." House brought the coffee carafe over to the table and refilled her cup and his before returning it to the appliance and retrieving the pancakes.

"Nice and hot," House said as he set her plate before her. "Just like my girlfriend." Cuddy beamed at him and reached for the syrup. She quickly poured it over his plate and purposely drew a big circle on top of his pancake adding a little extra at the top. House waited and watched. Cuddy brought the bottle over her own plate and zigzagged syrup over her own breakfast. She watched him carefully out of the corner of her eye.

House paused before cutting up the breakfast. Was that a ring? It looked like a ring with some sort of bauble at the top of the circle. His imagination was playing tricks on him. Cuddy caught his hesitancy and stifled her grin.

"Aren't you going to eat?" Cuddy teased.

'Huh? Uh, yeah..." House quickly cut a big portion and shoved it into his mouth still staring at the syrup which had slowly poured away over the edges of his pancakes. He glanced at Cuddy who quickly pretended to be absorbed in her own meal. Wow, freaky, House thought to himself. He was definitely seeing things. Marriage on the brain. Coincidence, that was all it could be.

Cuddy and Rachel were playing on the livingroom floor while House finished up the breakfast dishes and wiped down the counters. He liked the time alone to think and it gave Cuddy a break to spend time with her daughter. Win-win.

"Hey, party-pants. More coffee?" House asked loudly. Cuddy grinned at the nickname.

"Yeah, its the only way I can keep up with this child!" Cuddy stood up and brought her mug into the kitchen.

"And with me!" House quipped. He put the coffee pot down instead of filling her cup and pulled her close to him. Cuddy grinned at him and slid her arms over his shoulders pulling herself closer to his mouth and pausing just a split second before kissing him slowly and passionately. "Wow, what was that for?"

"For cleaning the kitchen," Cuddy lied.

"Imagine what you'd do to me if I vacuumed the house!"

"Ooooh, baby!" Cuddy purred against his neck. She could feel his interests piquing against her belly.

"I like where this is going..." House began before Cuddy cut him off.

"But first, I have to give Rachel a bath and get her dressed," Cuddy pulled back slowly as she pulled her neckline away just enough for House to glimpse her gorgeous breasts.

"You're killing me, woman!" House groaned lasciviously.

"Hardly!" Cuddy laughed as she sashayed away. "Meet me in the shower?" She called out as she left him in the kitchen.

"Oh hell, yeah!" House quickly replied making the yeah a two-syllable word.

Cuddy grinned at how easy he was to excite. She picked up Rachel and told the little girl it was time for bath and Rachel immediate began bouncing against her. The child loved to play in the water. Cuddy was enjoying herself knowing she was making House pay for his nervous approach to digging into her subconscious.

"Ask me questions when I'm a sleep! Ha!" Cuddy murmured ou tloud.

"What mommy?"

"Never-mind, Rach. Lets make more bubbles!" Cuddy laughed as she began frothing the bath water to stir up more Mr. Bubble. Rachel squealed in delight and began splashing the water too. Cuddy and her daughter were having a great time together. House couldn't help but smile at the two as he peeked around the doorframe. Cuddy was adorable when she was happy. He liked seeing this side of her. The open, relaxed woman kneeling barefoot beside the tub when she wasn't being the guarded Dean of Medicine in hot high heels.

He could definitely get used to this.


	3. Chapter 3 Taking the Plunge

Cuddy dressed her daughter and rocked her for a few minutes before the toddler began nodding off. House stayed out of her way and counted the minutes until he could have her all to himself.

Cuddy quietly exited the room and bumped into House out in the hall.

"She's down. We've got an hour maybe a little more," Cuddy said flirtatiously.

House grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the bedroom, "You don't have to tell me twice!" Cuddy grinned at his transparent intentions.

"Do you have something in mind?" Cuddy played along.

"Do I ever!" House pulled her closer and closed her bedroom door before pulling her robe off her shoulders skillfully. "Patty, Selma, I've missed you so much!" He murmured as he let her robe hit the floor. She was truly a beautiful woman. A body like hers could mess up a man's logic for a lifetime. There was nothing he wouldn't do for her.

"I had the weirdest dream last night," Cuddy began before House tried to interrupt her with a kiss. "It was about you, and me and we wer..." House kissed her deeply.

"Go on," House murmurred into her ear as he kissed her neck and face. Cuddy reached for his boxers and pulled them down just enough to bring her foot up and hook her toe into the waistband before pushing it down and nearly completely off his legs.

"I love that you do Yoga!" House smiled against the curve of her neck and shoulder. Cuddy smirked as she slid herself up and onto his chest. He rolled her over and was on top of her.

"You don't want to hear about my dream?" Cuddy managed to whisper almost as if she was pouting.

"Of course I do," House rolled his eyes. "Now couldn't be a better time." The sarcasm was evident but he stopped long enough to seem somewhat sincere. "This dream of yours, did we have sex in it?"

"No, but..." Cuddy said quickly.

"Were you at least naked in it?" House interrupted again.

"Shut up and let me finish!" Cuddy added.

"Fine! But we only have an hour so make it fast."

"Can I talk now?"

"Do you have any idea how long I've waited to hear you say that?" House teased. Cuddy ignored him with a sarcastic look on her face as she wiggled a little out from under him and turned to face him, both lying on their sides naked. House reached over and rubbed her arm as if to keep her warm.

Cuddy reached over and touched his chest absentmindedly tracing little designs on his sternum.

"I dreamed that you and I were in a boat and we were stranded in the middle of a calm lake with no paddles, just floating out on the water."

"Fascinating." House said dryly. Cuddy ignored him, she lay back on the pillow and closed her eyes briefly.

"You stood up and the boat began to rock back and forth and it scared me that you might fall in so I stood up to pull you back down but you grabbed me and just fell over the side!"

House looked confused. "Wait, what?"

"You were smiling the whole time as if it was the greatest thing ever but I can't swim and it terrified me." Cuddy glanced over at him. House looked a little worried. "What do you think that means?"

"What? That I tried to drown you?"

"No, I didn't tell you the rest." Cuddy turned to look at House fully. "You and I plunged into the water and the next thing I knew we were standing up and realized the whole time the water couldn't have been more than three feet deep!"

House grinned. "What?" Cuddy asked, curious to know what brought the change over him.

"Oh nothing," House said slowly. He was piecing her dream together with the late night one-way conversation he had with the sleeping Cuddy.

"Tell me!" Cuddy urged.

"Sounds like we took the plunge together."

"Yeah, so?"

"And we were never in any real danger ...of drowning because the water was shallow."

"Yeah, I know. It was my dream, remember?" Cuddy sounded a little annoyed. _Atta boy, Gregory House. Keep on figuring it out. _She worked hard to look innocently at him all the while wanting to smile at how easy it was to get him to connect the dots.

"Then what happened?" House urged.

"Nothing. That was it," Cuddy answered flatly. "We fell overboard, I thought we were going to drown but as it turned out we didn't have anything to be afraid of." House looked at Cuddy closely. Was she screwing with him?

Before he could detect anything from her expression she had already moved in and began kissing and nibbling at his bottom lip. Hell with it, he'd think about it later. Right now he had more pressing concerns, like his hot girlfriend pressing her bare breasts against his chest and sliding her hand down his hip.

"Was Rachel in the boat?" House suddenly asked her. Cuddy stopped kissing.

"No, why?"

"Where was she?"

"I don't know. I'm guessing she would have been at home since we were on some sort of date." Cuddy made it up quickly seeing as how she had made up the entire story to mess with House.

"Did we end up in Vegas?"

"Why would we go to Vegas?" Cuddy asked before she realized the inference.

"Oh nothing. I just thought ...hey, you're still naked! Mind if we table this discussion to another lifetime? I got plans for you, Patty and Selma." House lunged at her and kissed her.

Cuddy laughed. "Fine." She pulled him closer and kissed him back. House had connected the dots and threw a few new ones out there. Vegas! Not in this lifetime, she thought. Cuddy had waited long enough for her Mr. Right-all-the-damn-time. No way was she going to skip walking down the actual aisle.

"Now where were we?" Cuddy said innocently. _ Mess with me, I'll mess with you, Mr. Gregory House,_ Cuddy smirked into his kiss. _You have no idea what you're in for!_


	4. Chapter 4 Surprising old news

House was physically exhausted. Between sexually satisfying Cuddy twice Sunday morning and afternoon, then playing with Rachel for an hour, House was beat. He needed a nap and neither he or Cuddy was up to making dinner. He dialed his favorite chinese take-out and offered to pay extra for delivery.

Cuddy overheard the tail end of House's phone call as she entered the livingroom and walked up to lightly smack House's butt.

"What's that for?"

"For being you...and for having sweet cheeks!" Cuddy laughed. "Thanks for ordering take-out. You sure you don't want me to cook instead?"

"Naw, I know you're worn out." House wiggled his eyebrows at her. Cuddy blushed a little.

"In a very good way..." Cuddy added. "I like having you here over the weekend. Rachel does, too." It was House's turn to blush. He glanced down bashfully knowing it was obvious he liked spending the weekend with his two favorite girls. He'd never admit it, especially just yet, but Rachel was growing on him and there was something inordinately exhiliarating about corrupting a sweet little innocent child with a perfect propensity for lying like a pro. She seemed to have a natural affinity for lying and for House. The kid was golden in his eyes!

"Are you blushing, House?" Cuddy teased him as she slid her arms around his body and peeked up into his face. "You are! I think you like being here, too."

"How could I not?" House admitted shyly.

"You are a sweet, sweet man," Cuddy murmurred as she stood on her tip toes to kiss him on the lips. House grinned.

"You say that now but look what I found when you were asleep last night!" House walked over to her bookshelf and pulled a yearbook off the top of the shelf high above Cuddy's eye-level but easily seen by House.

"Give me that!" Cuddy reached quickly up for it but House was quicker. She seemed way too nervous.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, woman. What's got you so worked up?" House teased her, half curious about her over reacting.

"It's just that..." Cuddy stopped talking and gave up trying to get the book back. "You looked, didn't you."

"Of course, why wouldn't I?"

"And..." Cuddy looked unhappy.

"And what?" House played along.

"You know very well what."

"You mean this?" House opened the book and pointed at Cuddy's senior picture. Cuddy covered her eyes.

"This is so embarrassing!" Cuddy walked away and sat down on the sofa. She wouldn't look at House.

House began reading out loud,"Lisa Cuddy, head cheerleader, Senior Yearbook editor, Prom queen, President of the Debate Club, President of the Honor Society, Senior Class Vice President..." House paused. "What? only Vice President? I'm so disappointed."

Cuddy groaned with embarrassment. "Stop, please."

"Wait, there's more!" House grinned. "and Voted Most likely to become a doctor or the first woman president, annnnnndddd... voted best legs. I'm guessing that's high school-ese for best ass." House sat next to the mortified Cuddy and patted the yearbook on his lap.

Cuddy peeked at him.

"Why are you so embarrassed?" House teased. Cuddy rolled her eyes.

"It's embarrassing."

"No shit. Could you be any more of an over-achiever?"

"My mother made..." Cuddy protested.

"Say no more, I met her! I get it." House opened the book once more and stared at Cuddy's prom queen picture. "Who's the dork with the crown..."

"That's me," Cuddy said quietly.

"No, the other dork in the crown..." House pointed to the burly guy next to teen Cuddy. "He's checking out your rack in the photo!"

"That's Kevin, the quarterback. He's a pig. Then and now."

"Now?" House was intrigued. "When did you last see 'Kevin the quarterback'?"

Cuddy realized House sounded a little jealous. "Oh a year ago at least. He called to tell me his divorce was final and asked me out but I was seeing Luc..." Cuddy stopped.

"Oh." House raised his eyebrows. "Did you two have a 'thing' in high school?"

"God, no!" Cuddy retorted. "I never liked him but we were voted prom king and queen so I had to put up with him prom night."

"I bet you looked hot that night, all young and sweet and innocent and curvy..."

"Down boy, young yes, sweet, not so much, curvy definitely..."

"And innocent?" House prompted.

"At the time that picture was taken, yes." Cuddy said proudly.

"Wait, were you a virgin all through high school?" House turned to Cuddy and was entirely engrossed in this piece of private news.

"Maybe," Cuddy wasn't ready to reveal any more personal information after House outted her high school career.

"You WERE!" House shouted with glee! "An actual high school virgin!"

"What's wrong with that?" Cuddy said defensively. "All good Jewish girls are supposed to be, besides my mother made sure I didn't have a spare minute to do anything but go to class, study or participate in clubs!"

"Didn't you date much?"

"That was my mother's covert plan, to keep me from dating..."

"Is that when you got married? Right out of high school?"

Cuddy frowned. "No." She looked hurt that he brought that up and Cuddy tried to get up.

"Hey, Lisa. I'm not picking on you. I just can't believe I didn't know this about you. Today's been like a goldmine of information that I never knew about you!"

Cuddy sat back down but was clearly not ready to talk about her very short-lived marriage.

"So when did you lose your virginity?" House pulled Cuddy closer to him and cuddled her. She wasn't getting out of his grip without an answer.

"You don't want to know." Cuddy said quietly.

"You know I do."

"Fine." Cuddy hesitated. "In college."

House froze. "Freshman year?" Cuddy nodded.

"Before we met?" House prodded. Cuddy was still.

"How old were **you** when you lost **your **virginity," Cuddy deflected.

"Oh, no you don't!" House cut her off. "Answer the question. Before we met?" Cuddy didn't respond.

House pulled back and lifted her chin to force her to look at him. "I was your first?"

Cuddy blushed. "Yes."

"Oh. MY. God!"

"I knew you'd make fun of me..."

House grabbed Cuddy tighter and kissed her softly. "I ...you were a virgin! I did a virgin?"

Cuddy shoved him away with a mad look, "you're a pig, House!"

"I had no idea! You were so ...good!" House was pleased and a little amazed. Cuddy got up and walked away just as the doorbell rang. It was the chinese food delivery.

"Perfect timing," Cuddy muttered.

House got up quickly and went after her.

"You're paying!" Cuddy said as she headed up the stairs leaving House to answer the door.

Once the delivery guy left, House parked the bags of food on the dining room table and went up stairs to find Cuddy who was sitting on her bed in her room.

"Hey, I didn't...I wasn't making fun of you," House said gently.

"Right! You live for that."

"I use to. Now I live to be with you and make you happy. And I know chinese food makes you happy!" House was floundering. Cuddy glanced over at him and gave him a rather fake smile.

"I don't understand why you didn't want me to know you lost your virginity to me, even after all these years."

Cuddy shrugged. "I don't either. I guess I didn't want you to know that about me."

"Are you kidding me. It's so cool! I'm glad I didn't know it then because I would have teased you mercilessly ... but now I realize ...its really a pretty big deal.

"And you're going to go tell Wilson the moment you see him." Cuddy glared.

"Absolutely not!" House protested. "But it sure explains why you slept with your Dad's best friend."

"Oh my god! Shut up. I will KILL Wilson for telling you that!" Cuddy stood up to go to Rachel's room. House stopped her.

"Why did you sleep with Dad's BFF? To get over me?"

"I so hate you right now!" Cuddy said unconvincingly.

"No, you don't!" House pulled her to him. " I can't believe I am just learning this now. When were you going to tell me?

"Try never?" Cuddy shot back.

"You got any other major news you want to share with me?" House teased.

"If I did, I certainly wouldn't spill it now. I can hardly stand for you to look at me!" Cuddy really was embarrassed.

"How is it you can still surprise me? I thought I knew everything but apparently you got some secrets hidden away."

"Yes, I do. If you're nice to me, I might let you know about a few others ...one day when I don't feel so pathetic," Cuddy mumbled against his chest.

"Hey, I was the pathetic one. I left the next day without telling you I got kicked out. I left you thinking we were just a one-night stand - that it didn't mean anything to me but..." House felt suddenly very guilty as his voice cracked. Cuddy heard it and pulled back to look at House. Were his eyes moist?

"But what?" Cuddy asked him softly. His eyes _were _moist.

"But...that's why I left so fast. I was ...embarrassed and I didn't want you to know I was such an ass."

Cuddy frowned. "You'd rather I thought you were an ass? You let me think I didn't mean anything rather than tell me the truth. God, you ARE andidiot!"

"I'm telling you now." House admitted.

"True." Cuddy raised her eyebrow. "Why _are _you telling me this now?"

"Because you deserve to know. Because I was an immature jerk then and now I'm not..."

"...as much," Cuddy added and smiled. "Your secret is safe with me. Is mine?"

"I swear I won't tell Wilson I deflowered you."

"I wish I could believe that," Cuddy said sadly. House looked hurt by her words.

"I mean it. I won't tell him if it embarrasses you."

"Really?" Cuddy said hopefully.

"Yeah, really. I'm a grown up, you know!" House meant it. "Did it hurt?"

"What?" Cuddy was confused.

"When we first did... you know. Did I hurt you?"

Cuddy laughed. "A little, but I got over it by the second and third time that night."

House grinned.

"Mama, I'm hungry" Rachel announced from Cuddy's bedroom door. Cuddy quickly turned her head away from House to answer her daughter.

"Well lets go get our dinner before it gets cold. We got rice and veggies for you, Rach!" Cuddy said as she let go of House and walked over to her daughter. House watched as Cuddy picked up the toddler and glanced back at House with a smile. He smiled back, feeling somehow more important suddenly and happier than he had in years. He quickly followed after her.

Just like he did so many years ago when he first saw her on campus.


End file.
